Alright, Stripes. We need to have a few words...

Yeah. I get it. You're skinny. Wear some pants. Thanks.
Not pictured: This dude's Ed Hardy cap.

Please read this post in a Bear Grylls accent

For those of you not in the know, Bear Grylls is the host of Man Versus Wild and he's excellent. The man makes Chuck Norris look like a kindergartner as he parachutes from helicopters, eats snakes, and wraps urine soaked t-shirts around his head. He gets dropped in the middle of nowhere and shows viewers how to survive. Hey! You never know when you'll be in the middle of a desert and need to know how to eat a camel (he has a hilariously awesome accent). Anyway, here's what he would sound like if he were dropped in the middle of da club:

"Here we see the creatures indigenous to this region in their native garb. Notice the females attempt to lure the males by not wearing pants. These are, indeed, primitive animals."

"Ah, yes, here is one female truly set out to lure in a male. The males will typically lure the females in with 'Red Bulls Vodkas' and other food common to the region"

"And here are the female species in their natural habitat."

The Shirt or Dress Gang Strikes Again!

They're back....
Bwahahahahahahaha!

Who wears hot pink shorts to the club???

Girls who hang out with no-pants-wearing girls, that's who!

I didn't think much of this picture...

...until I saw this one...
Awful.

Well this submission doesn't seem so bad...

I mean, what is she wearing? Gray pants? That could be cute...
Oh... leggings. Um... maybe her tunic is long enough?

Oh dear God.

We are not alone!

The Daily Fill has a "No Pants" gallery. Which I find to be hilarious.

Ladies and gents, from the "No Pants" gallery, I bring today's poll:

20sb Blog Swap

Megan from over at Adventures of Hollywood Jane was my partner for today's Twenty Something Bloggers Blog Swap. Here's her interesting take on how Melrose Avenue has changed over the years.

Melrose: From Punk to Punked in Twenty Years

When I moved into a house half a block away from Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles it was 1989, and Melrose was a whole different world. Growing up I saw it all: hair of every color in the crayon box teased into mohawks; tattooed flames around the ankles like the skateboarder was riding through Hell; spiked chin piercings that made me wonder how uncomfortable it must have been to kiss. At first I stared, but it wasn't long before the sights became normal, expected even. When you grow up in a neighborhood with two condom shops within spitting distance, it takes a lot to really shock you.

My Melrose was a strange and fantastic place. A place of tattoo parlours and terrible Mexican food, gaggles of Japanese tourists fresh off the bus, leather vests and heavy chain jewelry. There was a Double Rainbow ice cream parlor next to the Wound & Wound Toy Company, and with my cone of Double Mint Chocolate Chip in one hand, I'd peer at the wind-up toys, and turn the cranks on minature music players, filling the store with the sounds of 'It's a Small World' and 'Fur Elise.' Down the block was the Soap Plant, which sold Dios de los Muertos figurines next to scented bath products, and Wacko, hidden away down a narrow alley, a room full of fake vomit, snow globes, Mardi Gras masks, and plush toys.

When my favorite toy store across the street turned into an LA Eyeworks, it was the beginning of the end. Then the Soap Plant was divided into a boot store and a manicurist, and Wacko was taken over by Harley Davidson. An Urban Outfitters opened across the street from what had once been The Hamburger That Ate L.A., but was now a Starbucks. Every store that had once catered to the unusual was taken over by ugly boutiques and over-priced shoe stores featuring platforms and stilettos favored by drag queens.

Unique has been supplanted by trendy. Melrose is trying to remake itself as a restaurant destination, and west of Fairfax an Argentinian restaurant and a carpet store (est. 1963), battle for the soul of the street against Fred Segal, Paul Frank, Johnny Cupcakes, and Max Azaria. They're losing. Even Aardvarks, the 'pre-owned' thrift store once considered a staple of the Melrose (Neil Gaiman has shopped there), was forced out completely after a brief stint in a smaller lot that had belonged to an infamous erotica shop.

Now as I walk my dogs down Melrose, I turn my face away from American Apparel, irritated by the mannequins flaunting neon lycra leggings and other eighties' fashion faux pas. I miss the men in pleather cut-offs with five-inch green spikes protruding from their heads. I miss the goth girls in all black with pasty makeup and a taste for the Victorian. The mini-mini-skirt has taken most of the women who walk the street hostage, and the others are slaves to the shirts-or-dresses that barely cover their butts.

The last hold out from 1989 is Maya, a jewelry store that also sells fake African crafts, a small storefront painted with a pair of giant eyes like something out of The Great Gatsby. Inside Maya I can remember my childhood, remember the tongue piercings and the skull rings, heavy neck chains and costume bling. I can remember what it was like to live somewhere special, and think that it might be weird, even scary, but there was nowhere else like it in the world.

Tomorrow it'll probably be a Forever 21.

Speaking of Melrose, check out this picture of Heather Locklear of Melrose Place fame and tell me that's not a shirt. Seriously.

On Wednesdays, We Wear Pink!

Mean Girls is one of the best chick flicks of all time. But these chicks are wearing pink a little too shirty... who wore pink worst?

Contestant #1:
She's too tall to wear an upside down pink garbage bag as a "dress."



Contestant #2:
This reminds me of the scene wear Damian screams at Cady "I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back!"

Sexy versus Skanky

Sexy: A green scoopneck top with jeans

Skank: Just a Green scoopneck top:

Sexy: cute plaid tops
Skanky: A shirt you wear as a dress that makes you look like a cross between a lumberjack and a bumblebee.

Sexy: Wearing your boyfriend's shirt to bed without pants
Skanky: Wearing your boyfriend's shirt out in public without pants.
Any questions?

Today, I got these emailed to me. FML

If you aren't familiar with FML, you should be.

Today I went to Sizzler for dinner and lost my appetite when I went to the salad bar. FML

04/20/2009 at 8:55pm by saladbarf shirt (201256) dress (8678)

Today I was talking to this chick wearing no pants. I figured I would definitely score. I bought her two beers. She didn't even give me her number. Tease. FML

04/20/2009 at 8:55pm by blueballs shirt (321459) dress (678)

This is my mom. FML

04/20/2009 at 8:52pm by hopeimadopted shirt (243556) dress (278)

Today I was at a music festival enjoying a beer and relaxing on a blanket when this chick walked by and flashed me. FML

04/20/2009 at 8:58pm by idontneedtoseeyourvajayjay shirt (101256) dress (2548)

Bling Bling!!!!!

If you haven't used Blingee yet, well get on over there because it's yet another AWESOME way to waste your time! And make my post more interesting. I saw this pic and immediately thought YIKES! In fact, I think that's exactly what I said out loud.


Personalized Glitter Graphics



Also, sorry we've been off the radar for TWO weeks! Um... April Fool's? Ha. Ha.

Why God Made Camera Phones

My friend, Jen, went shopping with her friend, Ashley, yesterday and ran into this find at H&M:

I get a lot of comments from readers who run into this particular problem when shopping. Well, ladies (and..uh...men?), when in doubt send it in! If you are sans camera phone or too cheap to send (shirtordress (at) gmail.com), here's a quick reference guide. You can print this out and laminate it and put it in your pocket.