Friday, October 31, 2008

"It's okay! I have sleeves!"

Thanks for sending in your pictures! Apparently, Facebook is a gold mine for "shirt or dress?" blog material! This was sent in from Amanda in San Francisco who says this is a friend of a friend of a friend. Amanda, friends of friends of friends don't let friends of friends of friends go out like that!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Pull Over That Dress is Too Short!

I think Trina might kick my ass for posting this so I'm really glad she doesn't know that I live in a pink country cottage off Highway 9 in Louisiana. Anyway, it's not like her style suggests modesty or anything. Plus, she IS da' baddest bitch!

So, lesson of the day - if you are going to wear a shirtordress, please do it while jamming out to Trina or songs featuring Trina

Friday, October 24, 2008

Stop trying to sell me shirtordresses, google!!!!

I keep getting ads for these clothes on my google reader. Think they're trying to tell me something? I'm now more convinced than ever that google is spying on me. G-mail, g-chat, how about G-SPY?!

Don't worry dad! A Brazilian Steakhouse and a shirtordress cancel each other out!

This story comes from my brother in Virginia. He and his wife went to a Brazilian steakhouse the other night which basically means they went out for all you can eat meat (they have a red/green flapper and green means keep bringing da meat, red means stop). Apparently there were some high schoolers there for Homecoming dinner (dumbest idea ever).

My brother: Yeah, that has to be the dumbest idea ever. What girl is going to be frisky after eating 4lbs of meat? All you can eat=not getting any.

He then explained that one of the girls was wearing a dress that looked like a slip and that her ass cheeks were close to making an appearance SHIRTORDRESS!SHIRTORDRESS! Of course, given the slip reference... SHIRTORDRESSORLINGERIE! SHIRTORDRESSORLINGERIE!

me: oooh! did it look more like a shirt?
brother: pretty much
me: yes!
you should have taken a picture for my blog
brother: sorry, if I would have known about I would have taken a pic
and risked getting arrested for being a perv
me: no worries
brother: I'll keep it in mind as a prowl the streets
me: yeah, please

My brother said that everybody at his table kept saying - what were her parents thinking???

Which brings me to today's poll:

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Kim Catrall's gonna be pissed...

...when she comes to life and realizes she's not wearing any pants. Andrew McCarthy and her will ride off into the sunset as Jefferson Starship starts to sing "Nothing's Going Stop Us Now (Except for the Fact That I'm Not Fully Dressed)"

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

"It's okay! I'm wearing a belt!"

I see London, I see France, I see your effing underpants. If you're going to belt a shirt and call it a dress, at least pick a more opaque fabric than white linen. Kthanksbye.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Halloween: Skanks' Get out of Jail Free Card!

Listen, I'm a classy gal. I'm southern, I like my pearls, and I'll make fun of the girls who walk by wearing stripper heels (obviously). I mean, you don't wear outfits that look like they came from a seedy Atlantic City casino's gift shop around me. I'll put yo' ass in my blog (literally since it's bound to not be covered).

However, there is one day during the year where even I can break the rules and dress like a hooker - Halloween. Here are the top outfits to take advantage of on the day where temporary whore-dresser is not only allowed, but encouraged!

1. Any Cute animal (think cats, kittens, and any animal making an appearance in Bambi)

Origins: I believe that this staple costume was initially made famous by the advent of the Playboy bunny. And of course, most of us have seen the part in the movie "Mean Girls" that explains how a simple Halloween costume can be made out of lingerie and a pair of cat, bunny, or mouse ears. It's simple, it's sexy, it's purr-fect.

What you'll need: Any sort of lingerie will do. You can use a camisole and silk hot pants, a leotard, or the bustier/leotard combination. Fishnets and high stilettos are also necessary. Obviously, the ears are essential as are the whiskers and tons of makeup - think "cat-eyes." Tip: A little black skirt can be used if more coverage is needed.

2. Lil' Bo Peep

Origins: Nursery Rhyme character who "oops!" loses her sheep. Adds to the blondeness of the character and as we all know, blondes have more fun. Ultimate sexy, but dumb protagonist of children's lit.

What you'll need: White lingerie, some pink ribbons for your hair, and a short skirt made out of gingham. Fishnets, tons of makeup (spackle), and extra points for a garter. Don't forget the staff. Although, if you're going out, check on the rules on bringing in props. They may make you leave it at the door and if you lose the staff, you'll just be dressed like a skank who's ready for a picnic.

3. Dorothy
Origins: Speaking of gingham, Dorothy is not just for Kansas, anymore. Popular with young girls who are obsessed with the glitz of the red slippers, it's also popular with the fellas who are obsessed with mid-west farmer's daughters as well (thanks Beach Boys!). Maybe it's the braids, maybe it's the slippers, or maybe it's the white thigh highs. Maybe its some guy's obsession with Judy Garland.

What you'll need: Excessive amounts of gingham, white thigh highs, and red glittery stripper shoes. Lots of makeup (spackle) doesn't hurt, of course.

4. Latex/spandex/any "ex"

Origins: It started with the classic film "Barbarella," was followed by "Cat Woman," and was most recently used in Britney Spears' "Oops I did it again!" video. Its curve-hugging and leaves nothing to the imagination.

Advantage: It'll keep you warming than most other costumes.

What you'll need: A gym membership and 2 weeks to starve yourself before you dare to venture out in public. Obviously, spackle. And maybe a whip?

5. Pre-packaged costumes with clever uses of the number "69"

Origins: I'm guessing that some guy who lives in his parent's basement in Naperville, IL came up with sticking "Player 69" on the back of a midriff Cubs jersey for girls, packaged it with a pair of hot pants, and now sells it for $40-60 at Halloween costume shops nationwide. He probably still lives in his parent's basement, only now he drives a brand new Corvette instead of a busted Firebird. Other variations include (but are not limited to) "Troop 69" boy-scout, Sergeant Sexy the Police Cop, and a Referee (who loves foul play, it would seem).

What you'll need: $40-60 and access to one of the 8 million Halloween shops that open up temporarily in abandoned storefronts (later, they'll house Christmas decorations). Spackle. And hell, throw in some fishnets while you're at it.

Of course, there are many other variations of the fishnet/makeup/lingerie rule. Use your imagination. Start with a bikini or underwear and add on accessories until you have a costume. You could wear a green bikini, add ninja accessories, a green backpack, and go as a Ninja Turtle. Or, a gold bra, some chains, hair done in two buns, and you're Princess Leia!

A couple of pieces of advice: avoid standing on street corners for too long or you may be propositioned or arrested for pandering. Also, if you plan on staying out late and/or shacking up, bring a purse big enough for a change of clothes. You may be in costume, but you'll still be recognizable. And no one wants to do the walk of shame dressed as a Playboy Bunny or a Ninja Turtle.

See this original story the first time I wrote it, here.

Monday, October 20, 2008

You're too young to wear a shirtordress little 8th grader!

My mother called me this weekend about the middle school dance she chaperoned on Friday. My mom reads my blog and a bunch of her teacher friends at school read my blog so the first thing she said was "There were so many shirtordresses and heels at the dance tonight. I could have taken pictures for your blog!" I'm not going to post pictures (OBVI!) of 14 year olds dressed as skanks madre wouldn't want that anyway, but seriously??!! I don't think I even had a pair of heels until I went dress shopping for the homecoming dance freshmen year of high school.

Middle Schoolers. Wearing shirtordresses. Somehow I can't imagine little Ashley A. passing a note to Johnny from Ashley B. asking him to check "yes" or "no" do you like me? Also, boys are ALREADY shorter than you. Must you further smack their ego in the face by upping the height difference an extra three inches or so? Listen, girls, put on your Hannah Montana t-shirts and converse sneakers and head to the dance. Come back to the shirtordresses in 4 or 5 years at least wait til prom. And send me a picture so I can ridicule you in my blog. Now go do your english homework. That essay on "Animal Farm" isn't gonna write itself Kthanksbye.

Friday, October 17, 2008

OMG this is SOOOO cute.

In the immortal words of 7th graders circa 1994.... "SIKE!" Not cute. Turns out, shirtordresses are in rampant supply online. They should ask you at checkout - Do you want pants with that?"

Put it out of it's misery already!

Eff the regular "shirt or dress" poll. I want to figure out what animal this b-list actress had to kill in order to make this shirtordress.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

There's no place like home?

I'm a bit undecided on this one. I swear this is a tunic, but this chick is passing it off as a dress. Also, the silver part at the bottom is sequined. And it was the middle of the day. At a sports bar. Where people were watching football. Just saying... Nice red shoes, Dorothy.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

e-mail us your pics!

Seriously, I love finding these gems online, but shirtordresses are sooo much funnier when found in the wild. E-mail: with your pics. I promise to black out faces and not use any *real* names.

As for this? Well, it's not a shirt OR a dress. I say, "random piece of fabric + tube top." Note: tube top is actually tube bottom.

repeat offender award: britney spears

Okay, Brit Brit. We get it. You want to be immortalized in our blog. That's the only sane reason you'd keep wearing shit like this. I'd wear pants with these looks. But, I'd also never shave my head or smoke in front of my kids. Potato, patato.

"Oops, I forgot my pants again!" Please wear pants, Brit. PLEASE.

PANTS, Britney, not PANTIES. Geez.

No, no, no. You're not listening. Don't SKIP the panties, just don't wear them in LIEU of pants. Geez. You are NOT a quick study, are ya!?

What a feeling!

So, first off it's 2008, not 1983. Also, it's a sweater, not a dress.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I doubt she found this in the maternity section.

Yes, you should be able to stay fashionable while carrying a child. You should NOT, however, be able to dress like a stripper. Onesies are for your unborn child, crazy.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

"It's okay. I'm wearing boots!"

I don't know if this girl is wearing a shirtordress or if she's wearing ANYTHING for that matter. The poor girl in the foreground seems to be wondering the same thing. Oh well, at least her calves are covered.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

hmm... did ya want to look pregnant?

Okay, seriously? Stripes AND a bubbling shirtordress? No. No no no no. I vote SHIRT. Actually, I vote maternity shirt. Let's change the name of the blog to maternity shirt or dress.